How a Simple Fatherly Lesson Became My Lifelong Superpower

When I was 19 I had a profound conversation with my father. I didn't realize how important it was going to be until decades later. That conversation set a foundation in place for me — to learn how I learn.

I knew it was important, I just didn’t realize just how important a lesson it would be. Exactly how important and life shaping that conversation was, took me decades to recognize.

What was the lesson? My father said, “Son, it is going to be important that you - learn how you learn.”

It all happened on the Orange Couch in our rumpus room.

The Orange Couch Effect

Little did I realize how crucial this subtle distinction would come to shape my life. Now decades later I realize just how much that simple lesson has made in my life. It was a powerful gift, now I am ready to share it with you.

The process of applying this life lesson - to learn how I learn - is the greatest gift my father gave me. Now I am sharing this gift of awareness with you. Be careful, it could change your life too.

My father was a serious man who loved life, people and his family. He was a man of principle who allowed me to live my life according to my own values. Yet, he somehow would get his opinion in one way or the other. He knew how to bide his time and await for the right time to speak his mind and share with me his observations.

The Orange Couch Conversation happened following my long recovery from mononucleosis.

I was 19. I slept for 3 months and really couldn't stand for long periods or work for another 3 months. I was a so lethargic and when I finally was well my father was concerned about my future.

He asked me to sit down and talk, on the Orange Couch. I honestly do not remember another time in my life where he asked me to sit down and have a serious, heartfelt conversation. I was humbled and a bit nervous.

He asked me "What are your plans for furthering your education? What interests you?" I was surprised by the question.

I mused aloud that I had considered engineering, police work or maybe a minister. But had decided to be an automotive parts man. He listened and was quiet.

I was just so happy to have some energy again. I had to leave my job as an apprentice mechanic because I was allergic to gas and all petroleum products. I got a job as a parts man in a nearby town. I was happy because I was still working in automotive industry. I loved cars.

As I explained my rationale, he said a number of things. One thing that really stood out was "Well son whatever you decide to do it is going to be important that you learn how you learn. The world is changing and you will need to adapt and learn quickly."

This was in the 1970s, and he was talking about how much the world is changing and that I'm going to have to adapt, was he ever right.

I remember thinking at the time that was an odd piece of advice because everyday I felt like I was learning something new. I was curious, hungry, and full of energy.

We closed the conversation and I left feeling like I had disappointed my father with my choice of working and not going to University.

Dad died a couple of months later…

Little did I know that I would be propping him up on the bathroom floor of our home 2 months later. A brain aneurism had exploded and he died the next day. I was profoundly shocked, my grief was deep and I knew I would never be the same.

My mother was desperately sad and full of remorse. We comforted one another. Mom told me how her and Don, my Dad, were talking about me that night. He told her "I wish I had Greg's confidence." I thought, "I have confidence?"

Dad never said anything like that before.

I clung to that memory and went about living my life to the best of my ability. The Orange Couch Conversation would not come back into my memory for many years.

Be careful following a friend's advice…

In the 1990's a friend of mine asked me a question "What is with you and your drive to learn, grow and change? You take such risks." he said with a condescending tone. At the time I didn't have an answer other than "I just do."

I did feel judged and criticized because he was frustrated with all the ideas I was working on. The the reality was I was struggling trying to get my business going. He worked at IBM and had a 9-to-5 job. I was an entrepreneur trying to create a 9-to-5 job.

I just had to learn and apply what I was learning. That's just the way I thought the world worked.

You learn something and then you shift and adjust your approach - it seemed natural and very intuitive to me.

Time to reflect…

But my friends question stuck in my head, "What is with you and your drive to learn and grow? You take such risks."

I semi retired for the third time in 2010 and began reflecting on my career as a business coach and author.

I was contemplating the hundreds of entrepreneurs I had served.

I was reflecting on how wrong I was at predicting who would succeed and who would not make it. I was 100% unsuccessful in my ability to predict who would succeed or fail — or so I thought.

I found this disturbing and ever since (2010) have been searching for an answer. Over the last six years I've come up with a number different hypothesis about around success and failure. It was only in the last six months that I felt I had truly figured it out.

The secret was right there in front of me…

I finally identified the one trait, the one “it” factor that was common in those business owners who got what they wanted. Strangely, this same trait was also absent in the business owners who didn't get what they wanted.

What is that trait?

The Ability To Learn Their Way Out Of Their Circumstances...

Suddenly, the Orange Couch Conversation I had with my Dad 42 years ago suddenly appeared incredibly relevant, "Holy cow, Dad was right!" I thought.

It was so damned obvious. There's no amount of money you can spend to solve a "learning" problem." You have to learn your way through the problem.

When things don't work, it's because you didn't know something. When you don't know something, you can learn your way out of your circumstances. Just pull your head out of your assumptions and extract the lesson.

If you stay stuck and rigid and focused on the "how" instead of the end goal, you will likely not learn anything. In business, something doesn't work out, and you don't recognize the learning opportunity that is abject failure.

If you remember anything from this story, remember the most important thing you can learn is to learn how you learn.